so on oct 21st 2011 at 9:10 am my father passed away i still cant believe it i mean in feb. my life was perfect my father was diagnosed march 27th and by oct he was dead they say people can live with this virus they say its not a death sentence anymore fuck them they lied i lost my 1st love i had to watch him die i had to sit in that hospital room and watch as he slowly slipped away people are telling me hes in a better place and although that might be true it doesnt stop my pain throughout the day i find myself getting real sad i sometimes look at the time and say what i would of been doing for him at that time omg i love my daddy so muc his funeral was the hardest thing i ever had to experieance omg im dont know how to move on i try and smile so that i wont shed any tears but its becoming harder and harder every day i cant seem to be able to look at pictures of him and certain songs make me cry i wish i could hee is voice one more time to see his smiling face im glad hes not suffering anymore but im mad that he left me behind daddy i wanted to go with u i need u in my life whos gonna be there when i graduate from college or when i walk down the aisle whos gonna be there when i have another baby i understand you had to go but damn why so soon u where a good person there are so many bad people in thi world living with this diseas but u had to be the one to go i wish i would of found out sooner mayb e i could of did more my heart is breaking a little more everyday and i dont think anyone can putit back together daddy i need you im not ready to do it on my own im not ready to jus let go and move on with my life ill never have another dad like u you where more then just my dad ui could talk to you about anything i dont know what to do daddy i dont know how to live on im trying everyday to be as normal as possible but its killing me to know ill nevver feel your touch again ill never here your laugh omg daddy why did u have to leave me why did u have to go i know they say never ask y but i cant help it id give anything to jus see you one more time to feel u hug me toi here u say u love me daddy i need you so much omg my son will never get to experiance life with you and that hurts so bad he could of learned alot from u you where a real man and god blessed me by7 putting u in my life jus for a little while

 you                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

my dad was recently digonsed with hiv/aids and it has been so hard he is deteroating fast he fell sick on march 27 (my birthday) and its only june and he has lost so much weight at times he doesnt remember me or my son his only grandson the doctors are giving him a couple of months to live and im not ready to deal with it when everyone is around or talking to me i seem to be holding it all togethere because im the main one taking care of him i bath him and clean up after him he is now bed ridden and he cant do anything for himself. im trying to be strong  but i cant help but cry at times i cant help but ask god y would he do this to my family why would he make my dad suffer he is such a great man dad is my superman i mean every girl needs her dad im so upset that i am losing the man that means the world to me he will never walk me down the aisle he wont see me graduate from college everyone keeps telling me ill be ok but i feel like none of them understand because its not there dad i love my dad with everything in me and to see him waste away is the hardest thing i have ever been through in my life and i dont think im strong enough even though everyone around me feels as if i am... god please please dont take my daddy away from me

today is the 1st day of my new life... well today i started school and i am so happy i thought i wouldnt go because i always came up with a reason why i couldnt go or why i shouldnt go but today was the day and i jus feel so much better about myself so i say today is the 1st day of my life because today i realized that everything is up to me no matter how many odds i have stacked against me yes i may be a young mom but i will be able to tell him to go to college to get a degree because i am doing it i will be able to provide a great future for him because im making one for myself and i will be able to show him and give him things i never recieved and i am so happy

my life has been changing alot im almost ready to get into my new apartment and my fiance is starting school in jan. andso is my son and im looking for a job... well like i said im jus happy today because today is the 1st day of my life